I'm going to do it.

I've thought about doing this for a few years now, but everytime I mean to do it, I forget, or give up. Not this time. I have every intention of sticking to it and doing it this time. I know that it will result in a lot of crappy first draft materials, but I've resigned myself to remember what Anne Lamott said about crappy first drafts and to write it anyway.

I have no idea what I'm going to write about yet, even though I've been looking high and low for inspiration. I want to start with a completely fresh story. I'm not sure what makes me think, with how busy this time in my life promises to be, that I will be able to achieve this, or get much farther than I did the last time that I tried it. I guess the difference is maturity, of being poised and positioned for something to happen.

What on earth am I talking about? I'll tell you tomorrow. Promise.

I have been wondering for a while if I should keep a writing blog, and continue to share my writing journey in one specific place. Lord knows I haven't written here in a while, haven't actively cultivated any great following, etc. But I still write, and I still strive to perfect that writing and document my journey to being a published author. I am still making strivings in my writing, and this is still the best place to share those. So I'm rededicated myself to sharing my writing journey here. After I read over my previous posts and make some adjustments and assessments, the journey begins again.

Without getting into all the details of where I have been and what I have been up to, I will highlight the major writing developments. I had an awesome Intro to Creative Writing Class that actually taught me some things about being a better writer and how to make my writing tighter, leaner. I learned how to stop leaning so much on adjectives (one of my major weaknesses) and to utilize better verbs, making the verbs describe the action. Some really good pieces came from the exercises that the teacher for that class gave us. I only wish that I'd had more time to take more Creative Writing courses, because more than the teaching aspect, the exercises were such great starting points for stories.

I came away with one really strong story, "Candy Apples." The story does actually have something to do with candy apples, but it's mostly about abuse and sexual/love addiction that results from abuse. Two other characters besides the main character seem worthy of their own short stories, and I have begun to pursue that as well. There were also four good poems, "Riding Lessons" "Once" "Grief" and "Twenty-Three." One of the better exercises was this three page piece on plot. The choice of plot I chose was a young child whose father is in jail. We had to make a whole plot from that: from start, to rising action to climax to resolution, to falling action. Mine came out very well, from the point of view of the little boy with a third person narrator. It isn't titled yet.

I gave all of these, along with an excerpt of "Or Every Man be Blind" to my boyfriend for him to read and let me know what he thinks about them. I won't hear back from him until tonight at the earliest, and maybe even later than that. I hope he likes them, or can at least lead me in a good direction with them.

I am looking into publishing again. I will let you know how it goes.

So here's what has been going on in the months and months since I've written. I actually finished two stories, the vandalism piece and the art piece. I decided to name the vandalism piece "the American Gift," and the art piece "Or every man be Blind." I've since rethought both titles, and some of the finer points of the stories. However, before I did this, I sent both pieces in to different contests. I didn't win either, but I was proud of myself for going for it and trying.

Since then, I barely have enough time to sleep, let alone write much. I've come back to writing with a lot of material though. In the meantime I was a substitute teacher, I work at a department store, I work as an independent consultant typing business policies and procedures, and I still work in a group home. So there's a lot to write about when time is there to write.

I did start some new pieces and began making revisions to the two pieces I submitted and a couple others. I started a piece I'll call the religious story, about a woman who does something religious without being sincere and experiences supernatural consequences. That's the most I can say at the moment, and I know it's vague, but hey. I also started writing more extensively about a character in the piece I submitted to the literary awards competition last January. The character's name is Beulah. I think the piece on her is really good. Other than that, it's mostly been random scribblings, me jotting down things I want to remember to write about.

I think that I'm going to rename this diary and start fresh under the title "FutureBestseller Reloaded." Even though I am not a fan of any Matrix movie, "Reloaded" is a good word, makes me think of guns.

Well that's it for now. More later. But not way later like this one was.

Lately, I've been doing more reading than writing, because I want to see what is out there, what is being written about that is having an impact on the world. Right at this moment, I am reading a book called. "Redneck Riviera," by Dennis Covington. I am more than halfway finished with it. It is about a man who inherits a piece of worthless property in Florida and sets out to claim it. It has been taken over by squatters, hunters with a Hunt Club who treat the land they're on, which was supposed to be a housing development, but turned out to be a land scam, like their own property, and try to scare the proper landowners away. It is a memoir piece, which I've been fiddling with memoir writing for a while. It is a really good example of memoir writing--funny, entertaining, deeply personal, yet all the more universal for its personal narration. I definately recommend it. The next two books on the list are Augusta Gone and The Dew Breaker. I'll let you know how they turn out.

I feel as if the whole purpose of this blog, a space to interact and share my experiences as both a writer and a reader, is for nothing because no one reads anything I've been writing, so I think I will start to wind down this blog and move on to another thing. If you do read, when I decide where to go with it, I will leave a link. Thanks.

I deserve a handclap for finishing my short story on vandalism! Okay, so it's not technically finished because I'm still revising, but it's about the small victories.

So I have an idea about the art story. I finally think I know where I am going with it, theme wise. The vandalism piece was about rights, ownership, what you can and cannot own, what you can choose, be it memories, etc. There was a sense of empowerment in choice. The art story is not any of that, except choice. It's mostly about choice to begin with, about the freedom of being able to choose, but more deeply, it's about if the choices that matter are really the ones we get to make. And self-acceptance plays a big part in it. The art that she is creating, this piece of these men she is trying to keep is an effort to give herself a consolation prize for not being chosen. She choses men that don't choose her in return, but she goes into the relationships knowing this already, so what's her real motivation for choosing things she can't keep? You'll have to wait and see, along with me. My manuscript for the piece is going at it from a million different angles, and I am still sorting through the mess. But I'm just happy I've accomplished some more on the writing front.

I think that the jazzy piece is going to be something really special, if I ever get a chance to really delve into it like I want to. I've really been focusing on the shorter pieces that would be finished and ready to publish sooner. I keep finding things that I want to say, ideas that I want to get across, not just interesting characters, or fun plots; there's a new demension of meaning. I just want to make sure that the ideas don't overwhelm the material, or vice versa.

I'll write more later.

I am not in school at the moment. I had financial difficulties. But, in typical me fashion, I decided not to let any of this get me down. I decided that I would take the semester off and pursue my dream of being published. I have started four new projects--which will be referred to as the vandalism story, the art story, the grandma story, and the boots story--and have been working on gettting them ready to submit to writing contests.

On to the stories: the boots story was the first new story that I began. It is about, not boots, but a guy, whose name is never uttered in the work, who is attacked in an alley, and is helped by a woman. The story started off from reality, then grew. I was trying to think of something to write when my father called, wanting to chat (he seems so much more friendly and wanting to chat now that I'm not in school; it makes me wonder). He told me about a call he had from my uncle, who told him about my cousin, Man, who had beat up his sister's boyfriend with a couple of his friends because the boyfriend had gotten someone else pregnant while with his sister. My uncle, a pastor, stopped them from kicking the guy to death. I immediately began to wonder about this from the guy's point of view, what it must be like to be on the ground with this Timberland boot coming towards you again and again. But the attack in the alley, and all of the events thereafter, are completely from my imagination.

The next story I started was the Grandma story. Remember how I told you that Grandma and Great Grandpa were propped up against my computer? Well, I was looking at Grandma and I started thinking what kind of grandma she would have been, what type of things she would have told me. Then I started to think about my family, and other characters began to take shape. So far there is Grandma Ruby, the narrator, which at this point is me, an Aunt Carolyn (pronounced by the characters more like curl in), an Uncle Charlie, and Grandma's daughter (and my mother) Cassie. The only person like anyone I know is Uncle Charlie, the rest are made up completely, even "me." My narrator, Beverly, does something I would never do (I won't reveal details) that starts the action of the story.

The art story is actually about a young woman who sleeps around. She happens to be a scupltor. So far, I haven't gotten to the meat of the story yet, I'm just establishing her character. It's still very much a work in progress.

Lastly, the vandalism story is the one I'm most excited about, and the one I want to reveal the least about. There's a girl named Victoria who is the first person narrator. She has a problem, and the whole story started out about me and took a left. You see, I have this unique problem. I can remember things in startling detail, when I remember them. But there are some episodes of my life that are gone as soon as they have been lived. I can recall I had an experience, but I can't remember it all, just pieces. It's why I keep so many diaries, to help recollect certain things I know I may forget. I started with an observation of this problem of mine, but then I thought, what if what she can't remember are remembrances more sinister, things that she is actively not remembering, subconsciously? There is vandalism in this story, but you'll have to wait until it's published to find out how it fits in.

I was reading an Emily Dickinson poem and it struck so many of the themes in my recent works that I decided that I may use some lines or phrases for the titles. I haven't decided on what to call which story yet.

Well, that's it for the writing life, aside from reviving some old favorites. I added two characters to my Aria story, Jazz and Mr. Magic himself, Magic Kilburn. I didn't know Magic was going to be a first name until I wrote it. His mother was a fan of Magic Johnson, I guess. I love this character, as well as Jazz. This story is a good one with the names. Even Aria's guitar is nicely named.

I will try to write more often. Wish me luck!